Jomoku

I have lived a very long time.
A very long time given in thought.
I couldnt tell you..
what i have seen.

where i have been is many places.
The hours have brought me
to each place... to each time.
I am between worlds.

wondering and wandering.
the sadness that is growing..
and waning.

like the moon.... i am in
an isolative stupor.
I am caught in a world ankew.
things i have never known.

Needing to learn more and more.
This universe...
it has spoken to me since the start.
I am not weak...
just a link in another web... or chain...

the vastness that scares me so much
... where i am so small a being...
its like space will take me ...
like the sky will open up and
i will be gone.

But the hope i give in...
is my voice..
And when i am away... or in
another world.
my voice will carry.

I am happy... that
i have the chance to be here
... to share more and more.
though... as i realize ...
change happens...
but my heart always remains.
to love, hope, and an open mind.

All the time i have awakened.
Sat within myself and pondered.
Tried to decipher...
the ocean that i hold within.
My storms have ravaged my soul.
My mind has been, in a reserve
of faith, struggle, and
perseverance.
Love has always been my guiding light.

In this i can describe, what power...
we have in ourselves.
To shape our lives, the way we might
truly want... in order to be happy.

What happiness is to me,
is to reside always in love.
With nature as a guiding stone.
To flip in hand over and over.
I have aged it feels...
I will honestly say, i have always felt
aged , even from birth.

I have been alot of things, none of
which i regret.
What use regret was to me, is
i have nothing to regret,
regret is essentially useless to me.
If i were to write anything,
i would say that my life has
been fullfilling... even
all my life.
to various degrees, the waves
in my own life have gone from
peaceful to straight chaos.

If I were to count those i have loved,
there have been many , in large ways
and small. This much i have always retained...
a sense of fairness, and an open heart.
Not that i need to help everyone, but
that in my open mind, open soul , and
honest heart, i might help someone.

I have taken many close to heart, in moments
brief and distant, and i am not in any dissapointment.
I have and will always keep these specifics
private.
But for just a moment here, I will describe in
a few words what i truly live by.

Honesty
Love
Fairness
truth
expression
Nurturing
Protection
Open-mind
spirituality - resereved.

In these principles, loose but effective
and meaningful to me, i have always guided
my heart to make decisions i have thought
right for myself.
I am in no respects perfect, nor
do i ever desire to be.

The imperfection allows me to ride with
the ocean... not sink in it.

In some fixed way, i leave my heart mind
and body open and ready for when those
moments i wish to help others with
the light of love and honest insight...
I live for these moments and many others,
within myself...
I hope in reading this, that anyone
that might feel inspired by this look within
themselves.

Thank you.

I have been blessed with kindness.
It has taken me far... and to places you cant imagine.
How many people.... how many creatures...how many things that cant be seen.
I have taken the hope inside me..
that others will have true hope too..

shared a hand to grasp another , to hold them up against the storm.
Those that carry the torch of hope..
how greatness becomes their protective shroud.

I am taken.. all of whom have taken kindness as a light.
I will always carry the light of love..
its a burning fire.

So long i have spoken, with love to other hearts left yearning..
bitterness...envy....hate....sadness, and loathing...
how they burn away... to me....

For those that take the torch of love, the hope of goodness....
simplicity in the wake... of a loved one.. passed but not forgotten..
love endures... and endures well..

so many roads i have taken... i am like a ghost..
driven with good intentions... wandering
and wondering...
who will i help today...
how might i help myself to better help others..
with in keeping to my divine spirit...

I have much to say to man...
that i have suffered long.. endured well...
kept hatred far from my thoughts...
and in the simplicity that love gives me...
I am a happy man..

And my promise... is that i will always keep love close.
even so, to those that hate...
.... i can say with certainty...
whatever sadness, bitterness, or self loathing leads you to hurt..
start to heal with love.
And if you glance upon death and his eye.
You will know you are happy...
even as you take your last breath.

There is a raving mad lunatic. Somewhere distant, half aghast with the delicate woodwork of his garden. His house is covered in moss, and his nails are bitten to blisters. There is a vineyard nearby, with fairies and trolls, dancing elves and screaming horse breeds whimpering in the sunlight. Somewhere there is a dark chasm, where there are no living things... A place where rats would be welcomed, if the air even came close enough to sustain. There is a grocery cart, with stains and tripped wiring to stop its departure. There is a train, a long time coming... that wont ever see the west. There is a battle, with a blood soaked throat, with a bayonnette that jerked rusted. there is a blue sea, and a triple moon in the sky, with purples and sharp pink lights that stretch across turquoise sands... dusted with soft flowers with gaping hooks and catchy tunes. There is a salesman , a peddler on a bike, with a tipped hat, a gun and an estranged stare. In the chasms of some distant cave, there is something written that will never be found, that even the ancient sands will never be able to decipher... There is a mad maniac, with red horns and gritted teeth... a sharp beard and an even smile. Whispering nothing into the air, for air itself... There is a raving mad lunatic.

I have walked. Holding sand in my hands. I grasp it tightly and grind it in. I cast flowers as i tear them from my chosen limbs. I rip a leaf from above my head.
 a silent distant dream.
Its like sprinkled single grains like rain to guide the way.
flowers ripped from life
I cast them to the sides
In my eyes its not a waste, the beauty in my hollow rains.
Those flowers torn from limbs , 
even dead
They land near.
They are timeless
Like the air I walk on,
As i walk, on clouds within,
I stretch my feet and swirl in sand, 
the flowers grazed and smashed in my palms
to remember the smell of peace.
Those flowers died on hard rocks
though in that hard eye reflection
They were everlasting to me.